Diary of a lieing, selfish, quitter!

I grew up in a small town.  I attended church with my family for as long as I can remember.  I was taught that there is a God and He is Creator.  I believed it but I had never been born again.  I was a very sheltered child my parents guarded what I watched on TV.  I had very few friends and was quiet in school so as a result I wasn't exposed to much that the world had to offer.  After high school I went out into the world a very naive person.  My sin in my early years was mostly hidden,  lieing to my parents etc, but out on my own my sin became more bold and open.  I would still lie to my parents to cover up things that I was ashamed of, never even thinking twice about how God was seeing it all.  When I left home I didn't go to church anymore.  I didn't miss it or even think about it.  I lived however my whims would take me.  I worked several jobs over the years and was a great employee till one day I would just walk out....I was quite a quitter.   Now if you ever read Proverbs about the 'naive young man'  well that was me (in girl form) I was being led to slaughter and didn't even know it.  The people that I was with were increasingly evil and so was I.  Through all this time God remained merciful and faithfully sought me.  Almost every job that I worked there was at least one Christian.  At one place there was a guy named Larry (I don't even remember his last name)  but Larry was a christian and the butt of most the jokes in the place.  He was mocked by most and even hated by some.  This was a small business made up of about a dozen people.  I worked mostly with Larry and a guy named Don , now Don hated Larry and would intentionally mess up the orders, Larry would start them, Don would mess them up and blame it on Larry and I was to finish the orders ( every time would be delayed because the order  was short)  Now I was to dumb to see the truth so I  would quietly fume at Larry each week until one day I just blew up and let Larry 'have it'  everyone came to watch...and do you know what Larry did?  He just took it he never said a word,  he wasn't even guilty but he just took it,  like Jesus he was reviled but did not revile in return.  I thank God for the Christian witnesses that He kept in my life during all that time.  After a while I married and we began attending church, it still took some time for me to realize my need for forgiveness of my sins.  I started trying to read my Bible, and I knew that I was supposed to love every one.  I was quite convicted about  this  because there was someone at work whom I didn't even like let alone love.  I had begun listening to some Bible teaching tapes at home, my hunger for God had been building as well as the realization of my sins, after listening to a teaching tape I knew that I wanted all that God had for me....and I told Him so, I was later baptized as a believer.  My heart was changed, I went from selfish to thankful...thankful to my great God for making me and giving me life.  I longed to be a Godly wife and mother (at the time I was a young mother) and that prayer hasn't changed.  Sometimes I think that my spiritual growth is so slow that I should be in God's special ed program!  But my God is faithful and patient and loves me.  How do I know?  He sent His Son Jesus and Jesus paid the debt for my sins, and God has given me His Holy Spirit to lead, comfort, teach and be with me.  I want to praise and thank Him every day of my life until He takes me home!   KHC